I binged.
I'm so sick of not having control.
I either can barely eat, or cannot stop eating.
So I purged some.
Then I cut.
It won't stop bleeding.
Fuck my life.
No more food.
It's so much easier not to try to beat anorexia.
I'll just let it consume me, because if I try to eat normal I binge.
And that never turns out good.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Concerning The Boy I Love,
OHMYFUCK OHMYFUCK OHMYFUCK.
I am so proud of Jeff!
He cuts, is depressed and is suicidal too.
But I just got a text from him a few minutes ago and today at school he went to guidance and got help!!
I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF HIM! :D
I am so proud of Jeff!
He cuts, is depressed and is suicidal too.
But I just got a text from him a few minutes ago and today at school he went to guidance and got help!!
I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF HIM! :D
Rewards
Goal Weights:
120lbs = turquoise nail polish; $3.99
115lbs = tee shirt from Hot Topic (Breathe Carolina or Alesana)
110lbs = short-shorts and leggings
105lbs = iPod dock and new shirt
100lbs = $100.00 shopping spree for summer/spring clothing
Self Harm:
- 1 week cut free = Spend up to$10.00 on make up
- 2 weeks cut free = New Bracelet(s)
- 1 month cut free = Summer Dress (get mum to buy for me, for a special family occasion on June 19th)
Binge Foods/Fatty Foods:
- 1 week no ice cream + peanut butter = Straighten hair (I love to straighten my hair, but if eat like a fat pig I can't have nice hair.)
- 2 weeks no ice cream + peanut butter = Bio Oil (to help self harm scars fade)
- No marshmellows or chocolate for two weeks = 3/4 sleeve shirt
Different Diets:
- 5 day water fast = ‘Excel Mist’ gum (it's new, and delicious!) and Sugar Free Red Bull (I know, not good for me, but whatever, it's the best, and I'll need my energy after not eating for 5 days)
- 5 days just fruit and veggies = ‘Stride’ gum
- 2 weeks without high carb foods = new skirt
I was going to have pictures because I wanted to share my taste in clothing and such, but I hate uploading pictures on here, my laptop disagrees with doing it. Hahahaha. :p
Here are links, sorry there are so many, but I'm just rather indecisive. Obviously I am not going to get all of these, but they are things I like:
Hot Topic Shirts (1) (2) (3) -> favorite is #3
Tops: (1) (2)
Sweaters: (1) (2)
Belts: (1)
Bracelets (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Shorts (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) -> favorite is #3 or #6
Skirts (1) (2)
Dresses (1) (2) (3)
iPod Docks (1) (2) (3) -> favorite is #1
120lbs = turquoise nail polish; $3.99
115lbs = tee shirt from Hot Topic (Breathe Carolina or Alesana)
110lbs = short-shorts and leggings
105lbs = iPod dock and new shirt
100lbs = $100.00 shopping spree for summer/spring clothing
Self Harm:
- 1 week cut free = Spend up to$10.00 on make up
- 2 weeks cut free = New Bracelet(s)
- 1 month cut free = Summer Dress (get mum to buy for me, for a special family occasion on June 19th)
Binge Foods/Fatty Foods:
- 1 week no ice cream + peanut butter = Straighten hair (I love to straighten my hair, but if eat like a fat pig I can't have nice hair.)
- 2 weeks no ice cream + peanut butter = Bio Oil (to help self harm scars fade)
- No marshmellows or chocolate for two weeks = 3/4 sleeve shirt
Different Diets:
- 5 day water fast = ‘Excel Mist’ gum (it's new, and delicious!) and Sugar Free Red Bull (I know, not good for me, but whatever, it's the best, and I'll need my energy after not eating for 5 days)
- 5 days just fruit and veggies = ‘Stride’ gum
- 2 weeks without high carb foods = new skirt
I was going to have pictures because I wanted to share my taste in clothing and such, but I hate uploading pictures on here, my laptop disagrees with doing it. Hahahaha. :p
Here are links, sorry there are so many, but I'm just rather indecisive. Obviously I am not going to get all of these, but they are things I like:
Hot Topic Shirts (1) (2) (3) -> favorite is #3
Tops: (1) (2)
Sweaters: (1) (2)
Belts: (1)
Bracelets (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Shorts (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) -> favorite is #3 or #6
Skirts (1) (2)
Dresses (1) (2) (3)
iPod Docks (1) (2) (3) -> favorite is #1
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
