Hi!

It's been awhile since I've posted, and I'm sorry : P.
I've been rather busy with exercising and sleeping.
I lost 7lbs so far this month, I started at 135lbs and was down to 128lbs. But then I binged two nights in a row on fruit + raisins and gained two pounds. I water fasted yesterday and today, but sadly today out of lonelyness and feeling regected and unloved, plus being pissed at my mother, I binged on 10 chocolate chip cookies and a bowl of blueberry grunt ! AH! All those carbs are going to make me go right back up to being so fat again. : (
Tomorrow I am planning to jucie fast, and I will go for a run tonight and tomorrow since I ate.
I'll weigh myself sunday morning, I was planning to tomorrow morning but there will be water weight from the cookies and shit.
I am so annoyed by this though, because after sunday all i had to eat was fruits and vegetables. I stayed away from dairy, peanut butter, processed foods and all of that nasty stuff. And just this morning I noticed my tummy had less fat and my legs are starting to look tinier. Ugh. WHY DO I BINGE : (.
Well I kind of know why, but why can't I stop it?
*sigh*

So before today my week was interesting I guess. I stayed home one day and was late for school on almost all the others.
Monday -> Only are bean salad because my parents made me have supper, there was other stuff on my plate but I didn't touch it. Then I felt like shit so went and exercised right after.
Tuesday -> Water fasted up until the evening, then I binged on fruits and I think i may have had some supper. I can't remember. I went to bed around 9pm, which is very early for me.
Wednesday -> Pretty much same as Tuesday
Thursday -> Water fast, managed to not eat supper despite my mom watching me like crazy, exercises a bunch, and hung out with my friend "Rebecca" and some random guy. Then that evening, I was talking to Jeff from 11pm until almost 2am because he felt like shit.

And yeah today, I water fasted and resisted the homemade cookies quite well. But then the friends I was going to hang out with this evening - which would have made it so easy to skip supper - made other plans with other people. Plus, lately I've been feeling so friendless because I've been losing a  lot of good friends and not hanging out with them because I tend to isolate myself. So really, I was upset. I turned to food to feel less lonely, but now I am so fat from eating. No wonder I don;t have many friends. And theres still supper to come, which is pasta (AH MORE CARBS D: ) I may purge after that. And later on after I digest some, if I don't purge, I am going to exercise for at least an hour to get rid of these calories and not let the carbs totally destroy my weight loss.

Oh, funny thing that happened today. We were writing a math test, and my class has 10 people in it because it's an advanced math class. Then the power went out, and the room went pitch black because it was in the middle of the school so there were no windows. Everyone screamed except for me, I personally enjoyed the darkness. I think I didn't do too well on the test though because I haven't been able to think clearly at all lately and I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating.
I believe my math teacher realises something is up, and I may tell him whats wrong because I don't know how much longer I can stand this cutting and depression. I will not tell him anything about my ED though.

Anyways, i shall retreat back to my lonely , fat, ugly, failure self.
Bye xox