Days Fade Away, But Guilt Still Burns Inside Of Me

Heyo, it's been a few days since I've posted.
I'm not even sure what to say! :(

I didn't eat all that well at the end of last week, but we went out for supper to Swiss Chalet. I got a Veggie Burger and purged some after - in a public washroom, I hate doing that! My sister almost caught me.

  Saturday I went for a run in the morning and I think I had a bit of fruit for breakfast. I was feeling good. We then went to my relatives' house for a some special church thing for my cousin.
  I passed on all the treats at the church, and then we went back to their house for supper. There was pasta, bread, and salad. I wasn't hungry but my mom gave me this look like 'Are you going to eat?' So I had some salad. I had control when I was eating. But then my aunt brought out the most delicious chocolate cake. After that I had some, and then more, and more, and pasta, and bread with nutella, and candy. Then I went and purged most of it. God, I felt so awful.

  Sunday I woke up and had a 'fuck this' attitude and I had a big breakfast; oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamin, four pieces of toast with peanut butter and something else that I can't remember. I ate so much all day long it was DISGUSTING.

  Yesterday I was so reluctant to go to school, I had cut the night before and was feeling shitty. I just wanted to stay in bed all day.
  I had double history first, and I had to write a quiz I missed the week previous. I got 12%. That's my worst mark ever.. My parents are going to be pissed.
  I had first lunch and none of my friends were on it, at this point I had a really bad urge to cut, and sadly I did. I went to the bathroom and sliced my thigh a bit, then after bandaging it I called my mom asking if I could come home because I didn't feel good. She said, "What's going on with you?" I said nothing ... that I was just really tired. She told me that if I still felt like that in an hour to call home again.
  So then I was just feeling really pissed off, I walked around the hallway some. i saw Lorraine standing by the front doors so I went to talk to her, she said she was going home. I kind of vented about how I wanted to go home but my mom wouldn't let me. So she said' "Just come with me!" I did that.
  I spent the afternoon at Lorraine's house, we had slushies. I really didn't want to but I had already denied juice and french fries. At 2:45 (school ends at 3) her mom drove me back to the school, I went to the office and passed in a note I had written 'from my mother' excusing me for the afternoon. Then I walked home and pretended like nothing happened.

  Today was an okay day. I had double english first and there was a test on the novel we read it class, well that we were supposed to read in class. I didn't read very much of it so I'm pretty sure I did really bad on the test considering I didn't even get the outline or anything.
  Then there was dance class. That was okay. I felt like running out of the room and hiding though because the dance studio is filled with mirrors and I hate seeing myself in a mirror. I'm so  ... blah.
  I spent third lunch with a friend from dance class, her boyfriend and a few other people that I used to be freinds with in grade 5. It was a bit awkward because I really think that none of them like me, I think they're just using me. Her boyfriend has this joke that I'm his other girlfriend. He gave me three hugs today; one in the morning, one after english class and one at the end of the day. How weird. I bet he totally hates me and is just being sarcastic because no one honestly likes me. No one likes talking to me, I just know it. I'm such an annoyance and pain.
  Yeah, then rest of the day was long and boring. I walked home by myself listening to my iPod like usual.
At 4pm I went for a run/walk for 45 minutes, then I came back and had a long bath.
 I missed supper. But when I was walking back to my room I heard my parents talking about my eating habits. My dad said, "Oh I know, the only time she eats is 10:30 in the evening!" About fifteen minutes after that my mom called me down to eat but I said I wasn't hungry. She told me to come down anyways and she quizzed me about why I wasn't hungry, what I had eaten today and shit like that. She then said if I wasn't going to eat then, that I have to eat it by 7:00pm.
  I don't know where the hell this came from, it's not like I'm underweight anymore. I'm at a "healthy" weight for my height (and I feel so god damn fat and ugly). But I think that Anorexic phase is happening, or going to. Because all I've eatn today is 10 baby carrots. That's less than 30 calories. And I don't want anything else. I hate knowing what's happening to me, I wish it would just happen like the two other times.

  Anyways, I best go do my homework and 'eat supper.'