No School Today!

  I totally blew it. I did good all this week up until yesterday. I even managed to make it past my usual binging time on Tuesday evening without much effort at all!
  Last night I ended up having a binge on icecream and peanut butter because no one was home but me, and I felt like I could finally eat without being judged - I went overboard. I purged most of it, well actually only some of it, and then I went for an hour walk with Lorraine because she was in town with her mother.

  The morning after a binge I still have a huge appetite, and even though I could resist eating I try not to because binging and then having nothing the next day just causes more binges (haha, oh dear, I know from experiance.)
  I had planned on going for a run but my stomach was too bloated still from last night and I thought it'd hurt, plus after binging I get so lazy.
  For breakfast I had a bowl of plain yogurt (200cals) with All Bran cereal (80cals). If I left it at that it would have been great, but noooooo. I decided to have a piece of whole wheat bread (75cals) with peanut butter, I went crazy with the peanut butter and I'm guessing I had 1000cals of it. Then I visited the freezer and had icecream, probably at least 500cals of it. So I've only been awake for 30 minutes today and I've already had 1855 calories, probably more. So I'd say 2000 calories.

  I seriosuly want to cry. That is so shameful.
I don't understand how I can do this when yesterday while my mom wasn't looking, I hid half the orange I was supposed to be eating for breakfast, and then threw that bit out. And theres only 85 calories in the oranges we have but I was too disgusted to eat it all.
Now I imagine I am almost 130lbs again from water weight, and I believe I would have gained 1.5lbs of fat.

  I think this binging is happening because I am on my period. WHAT THE HELL.
This is only the third time I've had it within a 10 months. I lost it from July to Decemeber because I wasn't eating well and I was supposedly 'underweight.' In January I got it very lightly but I wouldn't even count that one because it lasted about a day. And I had it once it either March or February, and now I am currently. Those three still are lighter and shorter than they used to be, but they make me feel so god damned fat. If I weigh enough to get it, that means I have to lose weight, that means I'm not thin.
  WOAH. Another motive right there for losing weight, I'll lose my period again!
Yeah I know the dangers of losing it, weaker bones, infertility etc. But honestly I don't care, and I've always wanted to adopt children anyways because I don't want stretch marks from being pregnant.

  I think I'll create a new post with my plan (that was working until I binged) + goals (new set ones) + rewards (with pictures.) And then I'll create a seperate one with my motives for losing weight. Actually, I think I'll make that one first. Whatever.
Byeee.
Woah I just realised that theres three months exactly until I turn 16!!