This morning I woke up late again, didn't have time for breakfast (had to exercise though!) and didn't have time to make myself a lunch. I decided I'd water fast.
When Igot home I realised I wouldhave to have supper tonight, usually I'm not home for supper Wednesdays but I was today and had no way out of it.
Supper was spaghetti. Carb alert! D: I thought I'd fruit before it so I wouldn't fill up on spaghetti. I took an apple to my room and tried to eat it.
But I couldn't, I got no more than half eaten before I gave up, it was just too painful and I was scared of it, felt ugly, and fat. I wanted to cry. I wanted to eat it but I just couldn't.
When supper was served I almost cried when I looked at my plate, I wanted to eat it but I didn't , you know? And I knew I'd have to force myself to because my whole family was there. Plus spaghetti used to be (and my mom thinks still is) my favorite meal. I was the last one done, usually I am the first just so I can get away from the supper table.
I think the carbs set off a 'binge tigger' in me, because after that I snuck big bowl of icecream and five (yes, fuckmylife, FIVE) cookies to my room and stuffed them in my face in a matter of seconds. Then I purged and cut.
Gah! So I broke two of my rules, no ice cream and no baked goods. * sad face *
PLUS, there was meat in the spaghetti sauce (and meatballs, but I asked to not have them) I tried to not eat the sauce - didn't mix it in with my spaghetti jsut left it on top.
Well, tomorrow is a new day. I can try again.
But I'm scared that the amount of carbs I've had today will make me gain weight.
I haven't weighed myself today, I'll wait for tomorrow since theres probabl water weight right now.
But because of the extra crazy amount of carbs today, I won't have toast for the next few days and I will do extra cardio too.
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