I'm going to burst and die.
It all started with calcium antacids to help surpress my appetite on this fast- I couldn't stop eating them. Then I had a whole pack of strepsils. Then I had four apples and two bananas. Then I had a shit load of icecream, at least five bowls. Then I had two pieces of multigrain bread with peanut butter. I didn't purge any because I want to stop purging, but now I wish I had. IM SO FUCKING FAT! :(
OHMYFUCKINGGODD! WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!! I HATE EATING THIS MUCH, I FUCKIN HATE IT SO MUCH! WHY CAN'T I NOT EAT LIKE BEFORE! I DON'T CARE HOW RETARDED THIS SOUNDS OR HOW MUCH I GET HATED ON FOR SAYING THIS, BUT I MISS ANOREXIA, I'VE LOST IT! I HAVEN'T COUNTED CALORIES IN A LONG TIME, HAVEN'T COMPULSIVELY EXERCISED! I'VE GAINED ALMOST 20LBS. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. WHY DO I OVER EAT NOW? WHY DO I PURGE? WHY CAN'T I LOSE WEIGHT! I STILL HAVE ALL THE SAME FEELINGS AND SHIT, BUT I CAN'T DO IT! I HATE THIS SO MUCH! GOD I'M A FAILURE. I DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH CONTROL OVER GUM OR MEDICINE, IM A FUCKING ADDICT TO ANYTHING THATS CONSUMED. GOD. LIFE IS POINTLESS. I REALLY NEED TO BE 110LBS BY THE ENND OF THE MONTH, AT THE LEAST. STARTING RIGHT NOW IM NOT HAVING ANYTHING BUT WATER. ANYTHING ELSE CAUSES OVEREATING FOR ME, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO GAIN ANY WEIGHT BECAUSE I'M AT MY HIGHEST NOW. MY SHORTS FROM BEFORE ANY ED ARE ALMOST TOO SMALL!!!!
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